Another one of our family members became an angel recently. My kind hearted cousin, Manny went to be with the Lord. It was through this loss and trying to find words and actions to comfort my aunts and cousins (who by the way, are the most beautiful souls I have ever met) that I had a lot of self reflection. I have been telling myself to live my life through my brother’s eyes and most importantly to make it "fun." I have felt this pressure to book several vacation trips to try to achieve this sense of "living my life to the fullest." I seemed to be searching for joy in the wrong places.
Then one morning, I was having my coffee and watching my boys play in the backyard. I realized I was more than just watching them, I was observing them. I noticed them. I feel in love again with their big round eyes , fat rolls, shiny shimmery blonde hair, their giggles, even their loud shrills of excitement. It was at that moment that I realized THIS is living my life to the fullest. Observing, playing, cuddling and just noticing.
This is where I will find my joy.
Family and friends were everything to my brother. I will continue to remind myself that there is so much happiness bundled up in our home and sometimes it just takes the quiet (or not so quiet), simple moments to be reminded of that.
Thank you Manny for reminding me to notice. Notice the birds, dragon flies, blooming flowers, lyrics to songs and of course my sweet boys and doting husband. Thank you to both of our Manny's up in heaven for connecting our families again, so we can be each other's strength during these devastating times.
I will continue to notice and be the observer in this beautiful world, until we meet again.
