I Love You Too Much

My Brother,

I have realized that I love you too much to allow your passing to be a lingering darkness.

For you,  I will not have your legacy bring me only sadness. 

I will not allow my thoughts and memories of you to bring me only to tears.

While thinking of you, I will remember to smile.

For you, I will not allow your passing to deteriorate me. I have accepted the fact that it has changed me, broken me, even completely shattered my heart.... but it has also refocused me. It has completely altered my thinking and it has showed me my true strength.

For you, I am willing to work on shifting my grieving, to honoring you the way that I know how- being the best mom, daughter, sister and wife that I can be. 

I will live my life as though I am looking at it through your lens, your point of view. 

For you, I will continue to work on moving forward. I know that you wouldn't want us living our remaining lives broken.

I love you way too much, and for that reason, I will try to live my life happily and find the joy in every single moment. You are worth all of that! I love you that much, to take my selfishness out of my grief and to continue with my journey, because I know that you are here riding the wave with me.

I love you so much!

I am Sorry

To all of the remarkably strong people that have an open hole in your heart this Mother's Day, I am sorry. 

I am sorry that this day is a painful reminder of what you have lost- possibly a beautiful mother in heaven, or in my case a brother.

I am sorry that this day can be a painful reminder of what has changed in your life- no more phone calls,  texts, or mother's day visits from your loved one.

I know that you feel grief everyday, and you continue to move forward.

However, on days like today, you are smacked with reality. 

And to my brother, I am sorry.

I am sorry that I didn't hug you longer last Mother's Day... I had no idea that it would be our last embrace.

To all of the remarkably strong people missing a loved one today, I am sorry.

Mother’s Day Gift

Manny's tree sprouted flowers for the first time since we planted it.  Perfect timing! We believe it is an early Mother’s Day gift to my mom. Manny's gift.

Thank you Mother Nature, Manny, and the all powerful God for gifting these special golden flowers to my beautiful mom.

This tree has so much personality, just like my brother. It continues to bring us joy. 

Keep growing sweet tree.