Missing the Ordinary

 

What I have found to be the worst part about grief is missing the ordinary. Of course I miss my brother during the holidays and special occasions, but it is the missing during everyday moments that is the harshest reality. I was outside in the front yard playing with the boys, when I got a glance at my neighbor's house who had a similar black car to Mannys parked in front. I got this pit in my stomach. I wanted my brother's car to just stroll up to hang out. I miss just being with him for no special occasion. I miss the ordinary days.

This photo is so precious. It was my brother moving out. He was so nervous and excited. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday, when Manny was contemplating his move. We were going shopping with my mom and I played the song, "Rise Up" by Imagine Dragons for him (same song as in his memorial video). The lyrics reminded me of Manny’s personality and the next phase he was entering in his life. Manny’s face lit up because he loved to listen to lyrics and he loved when people showed their affection. I miss that ordinary day. Shopping with my mom and brother, guiding Manny in his next stage of life. What I wouldn't give to have one more car ride with him, one more Sunday dinner, one more visit on the back patio, one more dangle of our feet in the pool, one more hug, one more ordinary day.